A Letter to Pat Robertson from CJ Werleman
CJ Werleman is a guest contributor to DailyAtheist.net
Dear Pat,
I read your profoundly enlightening and humanitarian comments on the front page of the LA Times this morning, and thought I’d drop you a quick note to say, “Hi”. So here’s Me saying, “Hello you little evangelical weasel.”
First of all I must say that you’ve been pretty quiet, by your standards, of late. I really haven’t heard from you since you stood up in front of the world’s media blaming the tragic events of 9/11 on the Supreme Courts’ 1974 Roe v Wade decision to decriminalize a woman’s right to choose what’s best for her body, and/or circumstance. Effectively what you meant is that God put 19 hijackers on four jetliners because he was pissed that abortion clinics were still open for business.
Keeping your track record of never letting a crisis pass without making it an opportunity for you to rear your toad like little head, you’ve now blamed the Haitians for the devastating earthquake that struck their tiny little island Nation yesterday. You said, “Haiti has been cursed because of its pact it made with the Devil.” How you know the back-room wheeling and dealing between God and his nemesis Satan I dare not ask. Although I assume God tunes into your 700 Club broadcasts for a good giggle, and thus possibly he dropped you a note that read, “Loved last night’s show Pat. The skit regarding Haiti was a ripper. Regards God.”
Pat, when I open the Bible I don’t find any character that made a pact with the Devil. I don’t find any King, any nation, or any leader who ever once signed a covenant with the Devil. Oh shit, WAIT! My apology. There is someone that makes a pact with the Devil. It’s fucking God. What a prick! Please turn to the Book of Job. Let us read together:
God: “Where have you come from?” (Job 1:7)
Satan: “I have come from roaming the earth. And I bet you a $100 I find one of your flock that will denounce you.” (Job 1:7)
God: “Alright I will see your $100 and raise you another $50 that you can’t turn my loyal follower Job from me.” (Job 1:9)
Satan: “You are so on. This sucker’s mine.” (Job 1:10)
God: “Ok the rules are that you may murder all his family, servants, and animals but you can’t touch Job himself.” (Job 1:12)
Satan: “Well I was just going to scare him a little but now that you say that I can kill his children as test of his faith, then let’s make it a $1000.”
God: “Done!”
You see Pat, what I find interesting is that not only does God ask, “Where did you come from?” in surprised voice which suggests that God really isn’t all that omniscient after all, but he’s the only dude in history to ever have made a deal with the Devil. Therefore, based on track records, we can presume the earthquake to have been more likely God taking good odds against Satan’s bookmaker. So leave the poor old Haitians alone, they’re suffering enough without little homosexual hating maggots like yourself.
Finally, I just wanted to check to ensure that your toll free # is still correct? Can I still call you on 1-800-759-0700 ? Super! Toll free means every time I call you, you pay for the cost of the call right? Awesome! I’m dialing now, as are all of my friends.
CJ Werleman
P.S: I hate you
Author of ‘God Hates You. Hate Him Back’ (Making Sense of the Bible)
Customer Reviews at Amazon or Barnes & Noble
Please don't call the 800 number. All you're doing is indirectly taking money away from the $200 million dollars plus that CBN gives in international aid.
God knew very well where Satan came from, and with what intensions Satan came with doing. Just as the good angels come to God to request to do good, Satan comes for permission to do evil. By God calling Satan to an account of his escapades and intensions, God showed Satan that he was under check and control.
Your book and this letter goes to show just how extremely very little you CJ Werleman know about the Holy Bible yet so pompously assert that you do.
Beyond Doubt – Christianity is True – Atheism is False http://bit.ly/5vtvvF
coooooool keep it up.